


Despondent

by birdsongblue



Series: Despondent/Dependent [1]
Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feels, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Panic Attacks, Turtle Tots, so many feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-04
Updated: 2015-05-22
Packaged: 2018-03-21 04:21:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 15,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3677241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/birdsongblue/pseuds/birdsongblue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Splinter and the other turtles realize that Leonardo has depression. They all do their best to help him through it. (Turtle tots, kinda)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I am thinking that this will turn into a short series, maybe. So excited, this is my first work!

Chapter One

Ever since the turtles had reached six years of age, Splinter had noticed irregular behavior coming from the eldest of his sons. Leo, while typically a happy, predictable child, had begun to display extreme changes in his demeanor. 

It was difficult to pinpoint, Splinter decided, an exact moment when Leonardo's condition had become apparent to him. The changes in behavior had been gradual, and Splinter would often reflect on the instability of his son while in meditation. When his three other sons would run into the kitchen, chattering excitedly about the day ahead of them, Leo would remain in his room. When asked where Leonardo was, the three younger siblings would reply that he was still asleep. Originally thinking that this son may get fatigued more easily, Splinter had paid this no mind.

On a day much like this, Splinter had called for an early training session. "Michelangelo, please go tell your brother to come join us," Splinter requested. " After he has eaten, I would like you all to join me in the dojo." Having begun his sons' training two years prior, Splinter had seen his eldest's enthusiasm towards his training decrease rapidly. This loss in interest had surfaced less than three weeks ago, and he was hoping to renew Leonardo's energy with the lesson he had planned. 

At his fathers' request, Mikey went up to his older brother's room. Tentatively, he reached his small hand towards the door and knocked three times. Receiving no response, he called out, "Leo, Master Splinter wants you to come to the kitchen. He says that we are going to have an early training session as soon as you eat." Slowly opening the door, he crept inside the shadowed room. Making his way over to Leo's bed, he gave Leo's shoulder a shake. Leo turned towards him with an annoyed look. "Okay Mikey, I'm up." Throwing the sheets off, he sat up slowly, wincing at the light flooding in through his open door. "You can leave now, I'll follow." 

Mikey quickly left his room, and joined his siblings in the main living area. Donatello was hunched over a thick textbook, with many more stacked by his side. Raph, on the other hand, was sprawled out on the worn out couch Splinter had found on the surface. Looking up from the car magazine he was flipping through, he said, "Where's Leo? Spllinta' said that we were goin' ta have early trainin' this mornin'. He'd betta hurry up, or we'll all be in trouble." 

"Thanks for the vote of confidence Raph." Leo said. His voice was flat, and he had dark circles under his eyes. Glancing up from his book, Donnie stared at Leo with a puzzled look on his face. "Let's go guys, Splinter's waiting," said Leo. Mikey watched Leo walk towards the dojo. "Splinter wanted you to eat something first Leo..." Rolling his eyes, Donnie returned his attention to his book, shutting out the unfolding events. 

"I'm not hungry Mikey," Leo said sharply. Huffing angrily, Raph slapped his magazine towards the ground. "Leave it alone Mikey. If Leo doesn't want ta eat, ya can't make him." Pushing his way past his older brother, Raph shot him a pointed glare and trudged into the dojo. Mikey followed, looking very defeated. Leo went into the dojo and knelt on the tatami mat before his father. Realizing that he was the only one left in the room, Donnie scrambled out of his pile of books and sprinted for the dojo. He slid in to the room and joined his brothers on the mat. 

When his sons entered, Splinter came out of meditation. Without opening his eyes, he began. "Good morning, my sons. As you know, I have been training you in the art of Ninjutsu for nearly two years now. After studying each of your fighting styles, I have reached a decision. Based on your individual techniques, I have selected weapons that will benefit and aid you in your training." At this, his sons sat up straighter, eager to hear more. All of his sons, that is, except for Leonardo. Refusing to be discouraged, Splinter pressed forward. 

"Michelangelo, you are extremely gifted in Ninjutsu. Speed and agility come naturally to you, and your reflexes are astonishing. With your innate abilities and skill, I have chosen an equally skillful weapon. The nunchaku. Nunchaku are very dangerous weapons that require great skill to wield. They will compliment your fighting skill." Splinter handed the pair of weapons over to his youngest son, who was glowing under his fathers praise. 

Moving on to Donatello, Splinter addressed him. "Donatello, you are a gentle spirit. When fighting, you plan and calculate very carefully in order to remove the threat without damage. You would never wish harm to anyone, and your skill rests in the delicate line between effective and damaging. In order to give you the precision your fighting style requires, I have selected the bo staff. The bo staff can be a forceful, or a delicate weapon. It can be wielded with great precision, when in the right hands." Grasping the firm, smooth wood, Donatello bowed to his father from his kneeling position. 

"Raphael, you radiate great strength and power. Your protective nature allows you to fight with great passion. Your passionate spirit can be an asset, but also a danger. Keep your family in your mind, and do not allow your anger to overcome you. Like your strength, the sais can be used to help others. They do have to be used with care and caution, however." Raph accepted the weapons with great care, and marveled at the workmanship.

Looking towards Leonardo, Splinter met his eyes. "Leonardo. I have seen greatness within you, and I know that, with effort, you could excel in Ninjutsu. When I introduced you to this fighting style, I saw great enthusiasm in you. I have many hopes for you, my son. Recently though, I have seen another side of you. Like a sword, your spirit has two sides. Your eyes have often reflected this, showing both sadness and devotion." Leo lowered his head, staring at his knees, as if in shame. "I would like to train you in the double katanas. They are the most versatile of the weapons I have presented each of you with. They are capable and adaptable, as you are." Splinter removed one of the blades partway from the sheath, letting light glint off the surface briefly before replacing it. Splinter placed the weapons in his son's waiting hands, looking for any changes in his demeanor. None was shown. 

"In the meantime, we will train as usual this morning. You may place your new weapons near the back wall." Reluctant to let their new weapons go, the boys did so, and returned to the center of the room. "We will began with a light warm up. Please go through the Katas that we practiced yesterday." The four turtles worked through the katas, working to master each one. "It is imperative that you remain attentive to your form. Completing the katas in an incorrectly does nothing to help with your training." Everyone's forms were nearly perfect, but Leonardo was struggling to even remain upright. His hands were trembling, and he looked worn out already. Splinter had a sneaking suspicion that Leo had not done as he asked, and nourished his body before training. Soon, it was time for sparring. "Leonardo, you will pair up with Michelangelo and face Raphael and Donatello." Taking up their fighting stances, they prepared to face off. "Hajime!" 

Leonardo immediately gravitated towards Raphael, beginning with a kick aimed for his stomach. Michelangelo and Donatello circled each other, before Mikey did a complex spin before aiming for the backs of Donnies knees. He quickly jumped over Mikey's leg sweep and latched on to his younger brothers shoulders, flipping him over his back. Raphael was quickly gaining the upper hand in their sparring match. Leo was suddenly on the defensive, blocking many punches and palm strikes. A thin sheen of sweat had appeared on Leo's forehead, while his siblings hadn't even begun to tire. Leo tried to blink away the dark spots that had begun to cloud his vision, and swayed on his feet. Seeing the hole in Leo's defenses, Raph jumped and swung his leg at Leo's head. The younger turtles fight halted at the crack that resounded through the lair. Leo dropped to the ground like a stone, and Raph panicked. "LEO!!! I'm sorry! I thought that you'd be able ta' block that! Ya, okay?" Splinter was at Leo's side in an instant, angling his head towards the light coming from the grate in the ceiling. Splinter examined his eyes, watching his pupils dilate. "No concussion." he reported. The others were hovering over his shoulder, but none more so than Raph. "Splinta', I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. Is Leo gonna be okay?" Helping Leo to a standing position, Splinter reassured Raph, "Leonardo will be fine Raphael. He has just exhausted himself." Returning to his position in the middle of the room, he called out, "Yame!", ending their training session. The four boys knelt in front of their sensei, listening intently. 

"Boys, I will begin training you in the individual weapon styles later this afternoon. You are dismissed." His sons stood up and bowed low to their sensei before hurrying out of the dojo. "Leonardo, please come here. I would like to speak to you." Turning back to his father from the doors, he knelt before his father. The noise of his younger brothers faded quickly as they went to the main room to examine their new weapons. Splinter closed his eyes, meditating briefly on what he could say to his son.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this chapter is kinda short. The next one will be longer, I promise.
> 
> Splinter talks with Leo, and forms a theory.

Chapter Two

Splinter looked at Leo with concern. His eyes looked almost empty, void of any happiness. Dark circles framed his eyes, and his hands were still trembling from a lack of energy. "Come to my room Leonardo. You need nourishment before we speak." Splinter took his tiny, six year old hand, and led him across the dojo and into his room. 

Splinters room was a safe haven for his sons. It was a place where secret worries and fears were shared, and then calmed. It was a place of warmth and comfort, and it smelled like their father as well. Off to the side of his room, there was a small table with cushions placed on either side. Splinter gestured to one of the cushions, and Leo knelt down at the table. Splinter set about at the task of making rice and tea. Soon, they were done, and he brought a bowl of rice to his son before setting out the tea. After pouring a cup of tea for each of them, he made himself a bowl of rice and sat down across from his son. 

The two of them sat in silence before Leonardo spoke. "Sensei, I know what you are going to say, and I'm sorry. I know that I have been neglecting my training and self discipline. I realize that I have been failing you, both as a son, and as a student and-" 

"I did not ask you here to scold you Leonardo." Splinter interrupted. "Although I am disappointed that you have been neglecting your body's needs."

Leo looked intently at his rice, and began moving the grains around with his chopsticks. 

"I am concerned for you, my son. I feel that your spirit is troubled. Please tell me your thoughts." Splinter brought the cup of tea to his mouth and took a sip. Under his father's gaze, Leonardo began to fidget uncomfortably. 

"Sensei, please don't worry about this. I'm just frustrated...I have been for a while...but it isn't anything important. I should be focusing more on my training, and I'm sorry for that."

"I see. Leonardo, what exactly makes you feel that your emotions are not important?" Splinter asked, stroking his beard thoughtfully. 

"I don't want to bother anyone, especially you Sensei." Leo took a large bite of rice, and chewed slowly, not wanting to talk anymore. 

"Have you been sleeping normally?" Splinter questioned,

"I've been having nightmares." Leo mumbled, his voice barely above a whisper. "I can't sleep much."

"Do you wish to tell me what these dreams have been about? Often, talking to someone about these things is very helpful." Leonardo shook his head, and clamped his lips down into a thin white line. 

Splinter could tell that he wasn't going to get anything else out of him, and sighed. The most he would get from Leonardo, he reckoned, would be more self blame. 

Leo had finished his rice, and was now drinking the cup of tea that Splinter had placed before him. "Leonardo, I would like you to remember that I am always here for you if you need me. Do not let your emotions control you my son."

Leo glanced up at his father, and a brief glimmer of love shone in his eyes, before disappearing again. "Yes father."

"Very well. You may go join your brothers now."

Leo exited his father's room, and made his way towards the living area.

Feeling slightly better, now that he had gotten his son to eat something, he decided to seek out Donatello. Although he was very knowledgable, there were always some things that he needed his son's expertise on.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donatello tells Master Splinter about a book he found.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I lied. There will be a long chapter sooner or later. These scenes play out differently than I expected they would before I wrote them. Haha.

Chapter Three

Donnie had briefly shared his excitement and interest in their new weapons, but then retreated into his room. 

Splinter had seen great intelligence in his second youngest son, and had done all he could to keep his mind fed. Donatello had been given a room that was larger than the others. This left him with space to work and study, which ultimately benefitted them all. 

Even at his young age, Donatello had been able to set the lair up with electricity, and running water. The past winter, splinter and Donatello had worked furiously to install heating to keep their family warm. When Donatello began to show interest in larger, more complex devices, Splinter had set up an extra space for him that would function as a laboratory. 

Walking past his son's lab, he saw that it was empty, so he continued on to Donnie's room. Splinter knocked briefly before entering his intelligent son's space, being sure to shuffle noisily, as not to startle his son. 

Despite his attempts, it seemed as though Donatello had not yet noticed him. The small turtle was curled up behind an enormous mountain of books and notes in a corner of the room. 

He could have easily been missed amidst the stacks of information. From Splinter's current position, all that could be seen of his son were his toes, which were swinging back and forth in the air. 

Walking around the room to get a better view of Donnie, it was revealed that he was lying on his stomach, propped up on his elbows. His fingers were fluttering across the page of the book he was reading, and was occasionally marking it with a blue pen in some places. His knees were bent, and he was swinging his legs back and forth, and he was softly muttering to himself.

Abandoning his efforts to subtly get Dennie's attention, Splinter cleared his throat sharply. "Ahem." Donatello jumped at the sound, and one of his legs flailed out, catching the side of one of the stacks of books. The texts crashed down around him, and notes slid out from between pages. 

"OH! Master Splinter!" Donnie exclaimed, bringing himself into a kneeling position next to the mess of books. Working to straighten them, he spoke as he organized. "You really surprised me Sensei. I was just really into the material I was going over." 

He looked up at his father sheepishly before asking, "Is there something you needed?"

Splinter nodded, "Donatello, have you noticed any changes in Leonardo of late?" 

Understanding filled the young turtles eyes. "Sensei, I am not an expert in psychology.", Donnie said hesitantly. "Psychology is a very soft science. It is often unpredictable...the possible variables are countless, and I'm not sure that-" 

"So it seems that you have noticed this...lack of excitement and motivation in your older brother." 

Donatello met his fathers eyes, and nodded.

"Father, one of the books that you found for me on the surface, it was full of information on the psychological field. You know that I have been researching medicine, and I saw another opportunity to help my family with this book." 

Donnie rifled through his notes, and brought out a thick blue book. The pages were severely water damaged, but it was obvious that Donnie had salvaged and repaired what he could. 

Placing it in his fathers hands, he continued. "At first, I was reading only out of interest, but I read something that caught my attention." Running his fingers along the closed pages of the book, Donnie caught ahold of a tattered, light yellow sticky note. It peeked out from the pages, near the crease of the spine. 

Opening the book to the marked page, splinter noticed that the spine of the book almost automatically opened to that page as well. The spine of the book felt cracked, as if the book was meant to open only to this page. 

The top of the page read: "Diagnosing and Treating Forms of Depression"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Medical discussions for the next chapter. I need to brush up on my psychology!
> 
> If anyone has any ideas, requests, suggestions, or personal experiences, feel free to leave them in the comments. They would be much appreciated. Thanks guys!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donnie talks with his father about possible treatments, and throws a tantrum.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Longer chapter! Yaaay! I told you guys it would happen eventually!
> 
> Feedback anyone? :)

Chapter Four

"I'm probably just being paranoid Sensei. From the research I've done..." Donnie maneuvered to his desk, which was also covered with notes and books, much like the rest of his room. He shuffled through the papers, looking for the ones he wanted.

Splinter took the time to wonder at the knowledge and understanding of his son. Even though Donatello was only six and a half, he understood things that many adults couldn't begin to comprehend. And, to think that all of his knowledge came from reading. It seemed as though his son was capable of soaking up and understanding information as soon as he read it. 

"Here." Pulling out a thick notebook, Donnie began to read the words he had jotted down on the page. 

"Depression is a disorder that causes a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest. Also called major depression, major depressive disorder or clinical depression, it affects how people feel, think and behave." 

Donnie looked at his father, pausing in his reading. "I'm concerned about even considering the possibility of depression. Leo has only recently started acting differently, and I think that we need to have more...information. Psychologists have pointed out, that in young children, behavior is already very irregular. The possibility of depression is usually only brought up after two or more weeks of the same behavior, but that is for adults." 

Continuing, he read, "It can also lead to a variety of emotional and physical problems. The affected person may have trouble doing normal day-to-day activities, and depression may make them feel as if life isn't worth living."

At the last sentence, Splinter fought the urge to break down right there. "I had suspected something like this was happening. How likely is it that Leonardo could have this condition?" Splinter asked. 

Flipping through his notes, Donnie sighed. "We will just have to wait..." A thoughtful silence filled the room.

"Aargh!" Donnie burst out angrily, throwing his pen against the wall, where it clattered loudly to the ground. Splinter stared at his typically calm child in surprise.

"Why couldn't we live in different circumstances?! I feel so useless! We don't have any of the resources that we need, and we never will! I try my best Sensei, but we will never have the opportunities that others on the surface do. I hope that, in time, I will be able to help the family more, be able to provide the care and quality of life we need...but right now?!" 

Master Splinter heard his son out with patience, and a lot of understanding. He too, had felt the unfairness of their lives, and his heart ached the most for his brilliant child. 

Donatello was a genius, one of the greatest minds of the century even. Had he been given the opportunities of the surface world, he could have become a renowned scientist, and changed the world for the better. Sorrow washed through him every time he thought of the lives that his sons could never have. 

Donatello paused in his rant, swallowing thickly against the painful lump that had grown in his throat. Realizing he had gone extremely off topic, Donatello refocused. 

"The mind is unpredictable. The most I can suggest right now is for someone for Leo to talk to. We just don't have any doctors that could properly diagnose him. I mean, I understand enough, but I'm nowhere near qualified to diagnose him, let alone treat him!"

After thinking over the information given to him by Donnie, Splinter said, "Very well. Thank you Donatello. You have given me great insight on the nature of Leonardo's pain." 

Master Splinter gathered his distraught son in his arms. Resting his chin atop Donnie's head, Splinter reassured the young turtle, "I will be sure to talk with Leonardo, and discuss our concerns with him. If his behavior continues, we will discuss the matter further." 

Pushing away slightly from his fathers embrace, Donatello cleared his throat. "If talking to him doesn't help, there are other...treatments." he said hesitantly. 

"It is likely that Leo's brain isn't producing certain chemicals, like serotonin, properly." he explained. "Without these chemicals, it is nearly impossible to function properly...the chemical imbalances in the brain can cause people to fall into depression, but there are always other causes." 

Sighing, Donnie added, "I know there are there are medications that replace these chemicals, but there is no way we could get them..." he finished brokenly.

Splinter pulled his son closer, and spoke. "For now, we will help Leonardo in every way we can." He was not at a complete loss as to how he could help, but Splinter still felt very unprepared for the challenges that may lie ahead of him.

From his position, Donatello could feel the rumble of his fathers voice, as his face pressed up against his chest. Donnie snuggled further into the comforting embrace. It was times like these that both Donatello and Splinter remembered just how young the bright turtle was.

"Until we reach a conclusion on Leonardo's mental state, we will merely do our best to support him. I am somewhat familiar with such afflictions, but as you said yourself, I am no expert. We will merely have to work through this as a family."


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leo tries to return to his room, but is confronted by Raphael.

Chapter Five

When Leonardo was dismissed from his talk with his father, he quickly made his way back to his room. He desperately wanted to retreat back into that place of darkness and silence. No one could see him there, and he didn't have to see anyone else. 

Reaching for his doorknob, his hand was suddenly and violently knocked away. Startled, Leo turned to see a pair of fierce, determined eyes staring at him. 

"Leo, I really didn't get a chance ta' apologize ta' ya..." Raph fumbled for words, " I mean, I did, but not really. Look, I'm sorry, alright?" 

"It's fine Raph." Leo said in a clipped tone. Raph asked,"You sure?", but his response quickly morphed into. "Oh! Okay then!" Once he saw the look Leo was giving him. 

Raph rubbed the back of his neck, and looked questioningly at Leonardo. "Um, Mikey set up a game of Risk in the livin' room. It used ta' be your favorite...it has lotsa' strategy...izin' and stuff. We set out a place for ya, if yer' interested..."

Leo considered the offer briefly, but all he wanted to do right now was be alone. "I'm going to pass Raphael." He stated. "maybe another time." Turning his door handle, he moved to enter his room, only to be stopped again.

Fighting off a growl of frustration, Raph slipped his hand around Leo's wrist. "We miss ya Leo, Mikey especially. He really wanted ta see ya excited about somethin, anythin." 

"Raph, I'm tired right now. Tell Mikey I'm sorry, but I'm just not in the mood." Leo began to attempt to escape into his room again.

Seeing this, Raph quickly secured his hold on his older brothers wrist. "Leo, what's goin' on with you, huh? You used ta' come out of yer' stinkin' room, but now I barely ever see ya." 

Leo felt a great irritation stirring in him, and had the faint thought that his anger may be irrational. "Back off Raph," he snapped angrily. "Why do you think you need to keep tabs on me? I can do what I want with my free time." 

"We're worried about ya'!" Raph exclaimed. "And it is DEFINITELY my job ta' worry about my BROTHER!" Raph made sure to pronounce the last word correctly. It was an immensely important, almost sacred concept to him. He loved his brothers with every fiber of his being, and he wanted to protect them from everything that he possibly could.

Subtly shifting his wrist in Raph's grasp, Leo shouted, his voice laced with venom. "Honestly Raph, THIS one is NONE. OF. YOUR. BUSINESS." 

Leo twisted his hand out from Raph's, and grabbed ahold of his younger brothers arm. He grasped it at the wrist and elbow, forcing the joint to bend sharply. In a split second, Raph was pressed face first against the wall, with his arm twisted awkwardly behind him.

"AAAGHH!" Raph shouted, more from suprise than from pain. "WHAT THE- LEO, WHAT THE SHELL?!" Panting against the weight pressing him to the wall, Raph tried to catch his breath. "Leo, what is WRONG with you?!"

"Don't you TOUCH me!" Leo snarled, his face positioned next to Raph's. 

A clatter of approaching footsteps could be heard, and a very frightened Michelangelo came into view. Eyes wide, Mikey whimpered as he registered the scene in front of him. 

"Leo?! What's wrong?" he asked desperately. "Get off of Raphie! You're hurting him!" Mikey's body was twitching with indecision. He wanted to help, maybe try and pull Leo off of Raph, but he couldn't seem to get his body to decide on a course of action.

Raph grunted, and scoffed disdainfully. "He is NOT hurting me, he just has me in a joint lock." Twisting his head as far as he could, he aimed his words at Leo. "HE just went crazy for SOME reason" he said accusingly, sarcasm and anger very evident in his voice. 

Cautiously approaching his brothers, Mikey tried to talk to Leo. "Leo, I'm sorry. You don't have to play if you don't want to. I just thought you might have fun...for a change" Mikey sniffed. "Please let Raph go?" 

"Mikey, this ain't yer fault. Leo just can't seem to get his head on straight." 

Seeing the tears welling up in his baby brothers eyes, Leo forced his hands to release their iron grip on his brother. Taking a few steps back, he watched Raph wince and shake out his arm. 

As everything cracked back into place, Raph fought the urge to punch his older brother. He had just barely attempted apologizing to him for kicking him during training, and he didn't want to have to apologize for something else later on.

After a few deep, harsh breaths, Raph said quietly "C'mon Mikey, how bout' we go play your game, huh? Who needs im' anyway..."

Raph led his younger brother away from the eldest's bedroom quickly,with Mikey looking hesitantly over his shoulder at Leo the entire way.

Leo's mind was already putting the incident away, and out of his consciousness, not bothering to dwell on it. He opened the door to his room, finally alone. He walked over to his bed, and sank down on it, quickly covering himself with blankets. In the darkness, his mind began to drift.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I probably won't be able to update as quickly as I have been until this weekend, but I will keep working on it. I'm going to try and stuff the next chapter with angst and feels. Thanks for your patience!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mikey and Raph return to the living room to play their game.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little slow...

Chapter Six

Raph held Mikey by the hand as they walked back into the living room. Not yet dried tears shone on his baby brother's face. Raph sat down heavily on the couch, bouncing one knee violently in an effort to contain his frustration. 

Mikey noticed the wetness on his cheeks, and quickly brushed the back of one hand across his face.

While Raphael was extremely irritated and angered by his older brother's conduct, Mikey only felt confusion. He had noticed a change in his big brother too, but he didn't see the anger in him that Raph did. Instead, when he looked at Leonardo, he saw that a great sadness hung over him. 

"Raphie, is something wrong with Leo?" he asked curiously. "Why was he upset? Does he not like our games anymore?"

"The only problem with Leo," Raph said, "is that he is a big pain in the shell."

Disappointment filled Michelangelo's blue eyes, and he looked down at his toes. "I was almost hoping that something could be wrong with him..." He trailed off wistfully, his eyes still downcast.

Shocked and bewildered at his younger brothers words, Raph exclaimed, "Mikey, I know that he is reeeaally frustratin' sometimes..." he paused to glare in the general direction of Leo's room while cracking his neck from side to side, "but we shouldn't talk about him like that. He's our brother, and I wouldn't want anythin' bad ta happen ta him, and neitha' should you."

Mikey's head shot up, his face showing horror and unnecessary guilt. He shook his head quickly as he tried to explain what he had meant. "NO! No no no, I would never want anything bad to happen to Leo!" Sighing, He whispered "It's just...if something was wrong with Leo, we could fix it, right?"

Realization of Mikey's wish dawned on Raph, and it felt like a punch to the gut. "oh..Oh! Mikey, I am so sorry! I didn't understand what that, I mean you, I mean-" 

Watching Raph stumble over his words frantically, Mikey barely contained a giggle. "Dude, chill, it's fine. I know how it must have sounded." Seriousness suddenly returning to his face, he asked, "Raph, are you sure you haven't noticed anything weird with Leo lately?" 

Mikey's eye ridges drew closer together as he pondered Leo's changed attitude. "I think he's sad Raph..."

Raph grunted, shifting on the couch to allow Mikey to sit next to him. Patting the now empty space, he replied sarcastically, "What does he have ta be sad about, huh? Well, other than being a mutant turtle..." A smirk lit up Raph's face, "It could be worse though Mikey, he could be you. That would really suck." 

"I'm serious Raph, I think Leo is really sad about something." Seeing the frustration flicker over Mikey's face, he restarted. "Ah...I don't know Mikey, he has seemed more angry than usual, I guess." Raph stared hard at the opposite wall, and muttered, "he was really acting strange though..." before falling silent.

The two brothers sat quietly for a while before Mikey Decided that he wasn't going to get much more out of the conversation. He slyly glanced over at Raph, forming a plan in his mind. He poked Raph in the side and started taunting his brother.

"Hey Raph, Leo seems to be giving you a run for your money!" Mikey joked, trying to lighten the mood somewhat. "You'd better step up your game, or your honorable title of hothead will be revoked!" 

A stray arm suddenly pushed Mikey off the couch, and the following yelp brought mad laughter from Raphael. 

"Aah!" Mikey cried out as he crashed to the floor. Looking up, he yelled playfully, "Why'd you do that!? We were just talking!"

"Talking stupid is more like it, pea brain." Raphael retorted, chuckling slightly at the sight of his little brother dusting himself off dramatically.

"Hey, we gonna play this game or what? I might die before you ever set up the pieces slowpoke." Raph said.

"Okay already, I got it. Stop whining sewer breath..." Grinning, Mikey boasted, "besides, I rock at this game! I am SO going to kick your shell!" Mikey cackled loudly, putting as much evil into it as he could muster.

Rolling his eyes, Raph scoffed. "We'll see about that Mikey." The competition had started, but their minds weren't completely focused on the game.

Continuing with their banter, they tried to concentrate on the game set in front of them, but they were both still thinking about their older brother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The storyline should start picking up pace soon. Sorry for the short chapter!
> 
> Wow, sorry guys. Chapter seven has been reeeaally hard to write! I'm trying super hard to get all the characters just right, but I should be done with the next chapter soon.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leo struggles with his thoughts while in his room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, this chapter was sooo difficult to write! I really wanted to pin down Leo's thoughts and feelings...so that it would sound like him. Leo and Donnie have been difficult to voice in the story. I'm still developing their personalities! Haha!
> 
> All of Leo's lines are thoughts. The italics didn't transfer over when I posted...I'm not sure how to fix that...

Chapter Seven

Leo turned beneath a mountain of blankets, trying his best to shut out his thoughts. A jumbled mess of emotions swept over him, ranging from guilt to indifference.

He just wished for silence, but his mind wouldn't slow down. Thoughts and feelings of worthlessness swirled around him. "Why can't I even control myself?" He thought miserably. "Master Splinter said that I shouldn't let my feelings drive or overpower me, but they are just too strong."

He clamped his eyes shut and grasped his head, which was throbbing with an intense headache by now. It felt like his heart was inside his skull, trying to pound its way out along with his guilt.

"I think Raph was only trying to be...kind? He said he was worried about me, but there isn't really anything anyone can do. This is my own fault. I'm too weak to overcome my mind..." Leo recalled one of the first lessons Master Splinter had taught them, two years ago. It had been about overcoming the body and mind, and allowing the spirit to reach a higher consciousness.

"As I have taught you all", Splinter announced, "We, as warriors, follow the Eight Virtues of Bushido." Looking to his four year old sons seated on the tatami mats in front of him, he asked, "Who can tell me what these virtues are?"

Donatello, his most attentive student, raised his hand at lightning speed. His action was quickly followed by a very eager Leonardo. Both of sets of eyes pleaded with their father to call on them, that they wanted to prove their knowledge.

Looking towards his remaining sons, he saw that their eye ridges were drawn together in concentration, trying diligently to recall the list. Their eyes, however, were currently studying the mats beneath them, as if they had suddenly become the most interesting thing in the room.

Turning back to his eager students, he decided to call on both of them. "Very well. Donatello, you may recite the first four, and Leonardo will finish." The decision seemed to please both of them, and ended with no hurt feelings.

Grinning widely, Donatello named off the first virtues of the Bushido code. "First there is Gi, or Righteousness. Yū is second, which means Courage. Jin is Benevolence, and Rei is Respect." At the last one, he bowed to his father, earning a smirk from Raphael.

Splinter twitched his whiskers and glanced sharply at his short tempered son, who looked quickly at his knees, the grin falling from his face in an instant. "Very good Donatello", Splinter praised his son, "I am pleased that you know the code so well."

"Leonardo, would you please share the remaining Virtues with us?" Splinter asked his oldest son.

"Yes Sensei," the small turtle responded. "A warrior must have certain traits, which include Makoto. This means sincerity, or meaning what you say and do. Meiyo is an incredibly important virtue. Meiyo means Honor, which is the core of Bushido. When following Bushido, one must show integrity and honesty. Chūgi means Loyalty. This means never betraying your clan or loved ones. It also means that a warrior should not be fickle."

Mikey snickered at the strange word, which earned another sharp look from their Sensei. "Jisei means self-control", Leo finished. "Self-control includes being able to overcome base desires or emotions. It is...controlling yourself." He ended slightly unsure of himself, but Splinter had nodded in approval.

Splinter had taught them to meditate in order to gain more self-control. "Body, breath and mind come together in one unit that flows and functions, at peace with itself." Leo recalled. 

It was a difficult task for the small four year olds, but they managed to calm down eventually. Even though the first session had been rocky, the four turtles grew skilled, and we're able to enter meditation rather quickly.

Leo returned to his current situation, and decided he would try to meditate.

Although his head was still pounding with a dizzying force, Leonardo pulled himself into the appropriate position, folding his hands shakily on his knees.

He did his best to clear his mind, though it was extremely difficult with many hateful thoughts stampeding through his consciousness.

"This is stupid," Leo thought, "I should have reached at least a lower level by now." Shaking his arms out in frustration, he winced at the growing pain in his skull. "I am a terrible student and a warrior. I can never get things right...not even meditation!" 

With a new determination to get away from his feelings of failure, and from the throbbing in his ears, he tried again. Finally, the world began to slip away, and with each breath, Leo was enveloped by the sweet sensation of emptiness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will come soon...hopefully...yep!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Master Splinter confronts Raph and Mikey about their previous incident with Leo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, may I just say that I am completely astounded at the attention my writing has received?!?! It is so exciting for me to know that people are really liking what I have to offer!

Chapter Eight

After his discussion with Donatello, Splinter crossed the lair to get to his own room. He wished to light a few candles and meditate deeply before the afternoon training session. 

He wished that he could talk to other parents and maybe receive advice from them. This thought had crossed the young fathers mind many times in the six short years since he had taken the turtles under his wing. 

He hadn't been a part of the surface world in many years, and often longed for the freedom that he once had. They were indeed, as Donatello had so wisely put it, in unfortunate circumstances. 

He passed the main living area quietly, and saw two of his sons playing a board game. The room was unusually quiet, given the two turtles that currently occupied the space. 

After a while, Raphael softly uttered something to Michelangelo. Splinters sharp ears caught the nearly unintelligible words, only to find that they were discussing their game. 

Splinter walked towards his unusually subdued sons, intent on joining their soft conversation. 

"I see you are playing a board game," said Splinter. 

His sons, having seen their father approach (for they were not as involved in the game as they typically were), shared a quizzical glance with each other. 

"Yeah...? We are doing that." said Mikey, unsure if his fathers words were a question or a statement. "It's that game where ya' try ta' conquer the earth, you know, the one with lotsa' strategy stuff." Raph explained distantly, his eyes studying the board. 

Splinter had a sneaking suspicion that his hot tempered son was not thinking about the game.

"Is this not Leonardo's favorite game? Why is he not a part of this game?" Splinter questioned. Raph only grunted in response, still staring thoughtfully at the board. 

Quickly changing the subject, Mikey whined, "Raphie, you have been looking at the board for like, five years!" He threw his small arms up towards the concrete ceiling of the lair in mock despair. "The game will last FOREEVEERRR..." 

For an unnecessary added effect, he slowly fell back onto the beanbag chair behind him, with a faint cry of "wwwwhhhhyyyyyyy....." before turning his face into the coarse fabric, muffling the rest of his overdramatic death throes. 

Having watched this small display in unbelief, Raph rolled his eyes and scoffed loudly. "Mikey, ya' are SUCH a drama queen! Seriously!!!" 

Splinter chuckled slightly at his sons' sudden banter, but was quickly reminded why he had approached them once they both spaced out. Their faces had turned strangely contemplative as they stared at the board. 

Clearing his throat, Splinter questioned, "My sons, what is bothering you? It seems as though everyone in the house has been shadowed with a strange solemness today."

Mikelangelo looked at his toes, avoiding eye contact, while Raphael, on the other hand, had a very different reaction. His head shot up and he met his father's gaze forcefully. 

Raph exploded, his eyes sparking with anger. "We did try ta' get Leo to play the stupid game!" he shouted. "It was Mikey's idea really, but he just acted like a jerk, Splinta'!"

"Raphael, calm down. Could one of you please fill me in on the details of your encounter with Leonardo?" It wasn't a question, it was an order, merely disguised as a request. 

Glancing over at Mikey, who wasn't showing any intentions of speaking at the moment, Raph sighed and turned back towards his father. 

"Me an' Mikey were worried about Leo after morning training. I guess I was worried that I may have hurt im', but that is his own stinkin' fault! He didn't even eat breakfast before trainin'!" 

Sighing, Raph hesitantly continued. "Mikey was more worried that Leo may be upset about somethin', and he wanted ta' cheer him up." His anger surging up again, Raph scoffed, "But he just don't want ta' be cheered up, I guess." 

Splinter listened carefully to Raphael's words. He looked towards his youngest son, who was still staring hard at his feet. "Michelangelo, do you have anything to add?" 

Splinter was slightly bewildered when he saw Mikelangelo's small frame jerk in response to the question. It seemed as if his son had been blocking the conversation, avoiding being involved somehow. 

Mikey's lips pressed into a tight, thin line as he shook his head slowly. 

"Why are you reluctant to speak to me? You know that you can share anything with me my son." 

Exhaling a shaky breath, Mikey said in a faint voice, "I don't want Leo to get in trouble more. He is already sad, and I don't want it to get worse!" Tears sparkled in the corners of his eyes.

Splinter felt a warm pride in his chest for his observant and sensitive son. "What happened that makes you think that Leo will get in trouble?", he asked tenderly. 

"I don't know what happened father, but I heard Raph shout from down the hall, and when I got there, Leo was pinning Raphie to the wall." 

Focusing his attention on Raphael, Splinter asked, "What made Leonardo upset so that he acted so violently?" 

"NOTHING!!! That's the thing Splinta'! I didn't even do anythin' ta make him act that way! All I did was tell him that we miss him and asked him to play with us! There was no reason for him to get angry! He did it all on his own!" 

Raphael cleared his raw throat and slammed his shell back into the sofa forcefully, crossing his arms over his plastron in frustration. 

Splinter saw a glitter in Raphael's eyes, but he wisely pretended not to notice the slight wetness. His son would never admit it, but he definitely had a soft spot for his brothers. 

Choking on his words, Mikey spoke up. "Daddy, I think that Leo is really sad about something. Raph...he said that we can't really make him get better. Is that true?"

Splinter chose his words carefully. "I'm not sure that we can make him get better, my sons, but-" Mikey's face crumpled, but Splinter hurriedly finished his sentence. "But, that does not mean that we cannot try to ease his sadness. We must be there for Leonardo as a family."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A special shoutout to Chun4! Thank you so much for your comment! It has been a huge help and motivation to write when I feel stuck! You are wonderful!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is a secret! :) I'm sure you guys will figure it out...

Chapter Nine

The first thing that Leo became aware of was that it was very dark. Thinking that his eyes might be closed, he scrunched up his eyelids and forced them open again a few times. The darkness didn't leave, so he widened his eyes, twisting his head around in an attempt to see something. 

After failing to make out anything in the shadows, Leo raised his hand up to his nose. The darkness was so thick that he couldn't even make out any movement as he frantically shook his hand near his eyes. 

Swallowing down his growing panic, the young turtle studied his surroundings through touch. His feet were planted on something cold, wide, and round. His toes gripped the grimy surface of the object he was standing on for balance. 

Slowly, he lowered his body to a crouching position and ran his hands along the frigid surface. The surface was long, and he could almost wrap his arms around it while lying on his plastron. The sharp scent of metal hit his nostrils, and Leo realized that he was perched on a pipe. 

Uneasiness spread through his body as he wondered how high up he was. In the darkness, there was no way of knowing if the pipe was close to the ground, or if it was higher up. 

Securing his grip on the pipe, Leo slid his legs off to one side, dangling his toes in the air. Panic gripped him as he realized that his feet were not going to find solid ground. 

Quickly, he scrambled back up onto the pipe, and pressed his body close. He had the pipe in a death grip, his eyes shut tightly in terror. 

His body was shaking in fear against the cool, dirty surface of the pipe he was on. He let out a whimper as his muscles strained to, somehow, grip the pipe tighter than he already was.

The sound echoed through the dark space, bouncing off of unseen concrete walls. Suddenly, Leo heard something shifting above him. 

"W...who's there?!" He cried. 

More creaking sounded above the small turtle before he heard a familiar voice.

"Leo, is that you?", Donnie called out.

"Donnie! I'm stuck on a pipe below you! I can't tell how high up it is...I'm s...scared." He finished in a whisper, worried how the admission might affect his younger brother. 

Unexpectedly, a rougher voice answered him. "Leo, don't move, we'll find ya'!", Raph shouted down to him. 

"Raph?! You're here too? Is anyone else with you guys?" Leo called up to them, his death grip on the pipe never lessening.

"Yeah, everyone's here Leo. Mikey an' Splinta' are here for you too." Raph said.

His father's calming voice broke through the darkness. "Leonardo we will reach you. Don't worry, my son, we will never leave you." 

Leo called back, his voice hoarse with panic. "Okay, I'm not going anywhere." 

A thin voice reached Leo's ears, sounding very worried, and less sure than the others. "L..Leo? Are you going to be okay?" 

The sound of his baby brothers voice broke through the sheer feeling of panic that had overcome him, and he forced his voice to remain steady as he responded.

"Mikey, I promise, I'm fine. Okay? I just...don't like not knowing how high up I am." After a minute of thought, he added, "Besides, I know that you guys will protect me, so why should I be scared?" 

Although he believed his statement to be true with everything he had, he still felt panic clawing its way back up into his mind. He started shivering violently, unsure if it was caused by fear, or the icy temperature of the pipe he was hugging. 

He heard Donatello muttering above him. "....stupid.....batteries....flashlight..." 

As much as he hated the fear he heard in his own voice, Leo shouted up to his family. "What is going on up there?", he asked nervously. 

"Leo, the flashlight is having problems or somethin'." Raph's voice echoed around the space they were in. 

Leo felt his hopes rising. "You have a a flashlight?", he exclaimed. Maybe they could get it to start working, and then they wouldn't be so blind down here. 

"Donnie, do you know what's wrong with it?" Leo asked anxiously. At this point, he would do anything to be able to see his surroundings. 

Clearing his throat hurriedly, Donatello explained, "I think that the connections might have been knocked loose. I could try to fix it, but it is so dark..."

Mikey again voiced his worries, "Why cant we see anything? Does anyone even know where we are? What about how far up we are?" He sounded like he was trying to keep from breaking into tears. 

Leo heard tentative footsteps on the pipe above him, and realized that Raph was trying to reach Mikey in order to comfort him. 

Donatello chose this moment to speak. "Leo, the pipe should connect to a wall on either end. Could you make your way over to one of the walls?"

Leo thought this over, but the thought of trying to move across the pipe terrified him. "I..I will try. But Donnie, this pipe is so cold. My fingers and toes have gone numb."

Donnie thought over the new information while muttering to himself. "It is probably carrying fresh water to somewhere..." After a slight pause, Donatello's voice returned with more instructions. "Leo, try to get blood moving to your fingers. If you can't use them very well, just try to balance and grip the pipe with your arms and legs."

Leo slowly brought his legs forward and gripped the pipe securely between his knees before scraping his plastron across the cold metal. His arms inched above his head and he repeated the maneuver, slowly making his way to the left side of the pipe. 

In an attempt to calm his son's nerves, Splinter talked Leo through the task, although Leo could hear that his father inhaled sharply in fear every time he had to move again. "You are nearly there Leonardo. Don't be frightened" 

For a while, the only sounds bouncing off the concrete were the scrapes coming between the gritty pipe and Leonardo's plastron. Finally, Leo's fingers collided with a stone wall. He quickly drew his hand back with a hiss, nursing his throbbing joint. 

"Donnie, I'm at the wall," he said. "What do I do now?"

Donnie's voice echoed down to him. "Okay, sit tight Leo. We are going to make our way over to the same side of the room. That way, we will be directly over you." 

Leo heard scuffing and creaking above him as he anxiously waited for his family to make it to the other side of their pipe. He assumed that their pipe was larger, wide enough to walk on. Judging on the hollow, echoing noises made by their careful footfalls, it was quite possible that the pipe was abandoned. 

Suddenly, he heard several shouts of alarm from above him, and something clattered downwards, hitting many obstacles before the noise died down. 

Leo screamed upwards, "IS EVERYONE ALRIGHT?!" His voice was tight with panic, and he was also beginning to feel nauseous from the anxiety. 

After a few moments of quiet talking above him, Splinter assured Leo that everyone was fine. The object that had crashed to the ground was Donnie's flashlight. 

Curiously, Leo peered down, and astonishingly, he saw a light flickering into existence. The small light emanated from the lost flashlight, which was a good thirty feet down. Leo's vision began to swim, and he quickly looked up instead. 

Individual shadows were now visible instead of everything being a single, black mass. Although it was still unbelievably dark, e could see the faint light on his father's and his brothers forms. He also saw the barely visible outline of the pipe they were standing on. 

He felt horror sweeping through him as he saw the bottom side of the abandoned pipe. It had jagged, rusted through holes on the entire underside, and it was almost completely eaten away at some parts. 

"Guys...GUYS, GET OFF!" He screamed a desperate warning even as they shifted their weight onto a particularly unstable area. 

Metal screamed and groaned as it sunk under their weight. As if in slow motion, the metal beneath his family gave off a last shriek as it twisted, breaking off sharply. 

Unable to tear his eyes away, Leo watched helplessly as his family fell. Raph's head cracked against particularly large pipe on the way down, and he fell unconscious immediately. 

Donnie somehow managed to avoid hitting his head on the many pipes, instead ricocheting all the way to the bottom. Leo tried to block out the sound of Donnie's bones snapping as he saw his father undergoing nearly the same beating.

Mikey however, was the only one who fell cleanly through the mess of pipes, crashing against the concrete slab below them. He met the ground the first, followed by the others. 

An intense throbbing and ringing flooded Leo's head as he realized what happened. He stared down at his family's broken forms and saw their blood begin to pool around them. He flashlight lay between Raph and Mikey, flickering faintly. 

Not knowing what to do, Leo opened his mouth and screamed. He closed his eyes, blocking out the scene that would be forever burned into his memory and screamed until his throat was raw. The pain in his head was reaching a blinding level, and he was beginning to feel extremely disoriented. 

Choked sobs began interrupting his cries. Leo failed to realize, or notice that his body was not wrapped around a cold pipe, but was writhing on top of a knot of sheets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, it was a dream! So sorry to be stupid and cliché. :P Muahaha, did I confuse any of you?


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leo transitions from a night terror into a full blown panic attack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel horribly unqualified to describe these types of scenes. Oh well, I tried to do good research.

Chapter Ten

As Splinter was walking away from his two sons, who were returning to their game, a horrible shrieking echoed through the lair. Everyone jerked in alarm at the sudden sound, and a few seconds later, Donnie came running into the room. 

"What happened?" He asked breathlessly. He quickly scanned everyone in the room for injuries, but saw that no one was hurt. As the screams continued, everyone realized that they were coming from Leonardo's room. 

Master Splinter wordlessly leapt up the spiraled stairs and quickly disappeared down the hall that led to his oldest sons room. 

The three remaining brothers looked at each other in alarm. Donnie was flushed and panting from sprinting from his room, but his breathing had not slowed down due to fear. Raph's face was drained of color from the shock of the horrible sound. 

Amazingly, Mikey seemed to be the calmest of the three. He wore a look of concern, however, as he followed his father up the stairs to Leo's room. 

Raph and Donnie quickly followed suit, the metal stairway clattering loudly from the footfalls of the small turtles. When they turned the corner, they saw their father gently opening the door to Leo's room. 

The three younger turtles crowded behind their father as the screams came crashing through the open doorway. The darkness of the room was chased away by the light flooding through the doorway. 

Master Splinter saw his son slightly thrashing on his bed, clearly stuck in a nightmare. He turned and motioned to his three worried sons to stay by the door. Splinter crossed the room and knelt by the bed. 

Leo's legs were drawn up slightly towards his chest, and they kicked out randomly. His hands were gripping bunches of bed sheets so tightly that his fingers and knuckles were turning white from the exertion. 

His entire body was shaking, trembling in fear, and he was shuddering from the short gasping sobs that tore, unbidden from his raw throat. 

The screams returned between the sobs, and Leo's face was scrunched up in agony. His eyes were clamped shut, and his mouth was open in a nearly constant scream. Tears ran down his face, wetting his pillow. 

Splinter grasped his son's shaking form and pulled it close to his chest. He lightly picked up Leonardo and stood briefly, turning so he could sit on the bed behind him. 

The small bed creaked under the added weight, and Master Splinter attempted to wake the turtle in his arms. He gently rubbed at the tears on Leonardo's cheeks as he spoke soft words to his son.

It seemed, for a while, as if Splinters words were calming Leo, because his screams became less frequent, and eventually stopped. Leo was instead, constantly sobbing and gasping for air. As Leo began to tremble violently, his eyes shot open, wildly looking around the room, but not registering his surroundings. He continued gasping for air, and Donatello disobeyed his father's order, and walked over to his father and Leo. 

He received a sharp look from Master Splinter, and he knew he was being told to leave the room. Donnie looked at his father and shook his head. He would not leave when he could help. 

Master Splinter's expression softened as Donnie examined Leonardo silently. His small fingers found his older brother's pulse point, and he stared at the small clock on the wall for a minute. 

Leonardo's breathing had dramatically increased, coming in rapid, shallow puffs of air. His eyes rolled back into his head a few times before refocusing on a scene that wasn't there. 

Donnie grabbed Leonardo's face and rubbed his cheeks coarsely in order to get his attention. Looking into his older brothers eyes, which were wide with terror, he spoke softly. "Leo! Hey...Leo, look at me. You're fine. It was just a nightmare, you're safe..."

Leo slowly gained a fuzzy awareness that his chest was hurting. He brought his hands up and weakly scrabbled at his upper plastron, gasping desperately for air. 

"C...ca-an't...b-breathe..." It felt as if all the air was being crushed out of his chest. He felt like his heart was going to pound its way out of his body, and his vision was mostly black. The splitting pain in his head had grown, deciding to remind Leo that it hadn't left. 

He vaguely heard a voice from somewhere above him, but couldn't make out what the voice was saying. Blood rushed in his ears, making the erratic sound all that he could hear. He felt like there wasn't enough air to fill his lungs, and felt like he was suffocating. 

"Master Splinter, he's having a panic attack. I can't get him to wake up. It's like he doesn't notice us." Donnie explained, "I think he is stuck in his dream...he is in a night terror. I probably won't be able to get him to wake up from it. If his breathing doesn't slow down, he could pass out." 

"Leonardo, listen to me. We are going to focus and breathe together, alright? Focus on my breathing" Splinter grasped one of his sons trembling hands and placed it on his stomach. "Feel my breaths and imitate the pattern." 

Leonardo's breaths came in wheezes, and he was covered in a thin layer of sweat. Despite their best efforts, it seemed that Leo was completely cut off from their reach. 

As Leo struggled to breathe, a strange numbness spread through his limbs, making them feel tingly and weightless. He thought that it reminded him of static on a television screen, before realizing that he was becoming extremely dizzy. 

The nauseous feeling in his stomach returned full force. His body hitched, and his father quickly turned him on his side as Leo emptied his stomach onto the bed. 

Feeling his own stomach twist in protest at the sight, Donatello retreated back to the doorway with his brothers. He wasn't sure what else they could do. 

Donnie realized that he didn't know when his brother had started panicking. True, the attack had only begun half an hour previously, but Leonardo could have been a state of panic long before he began screaming. 

Donatello knew that a body couldn't be under this amount of stress for long, and would soon give out. It was worrying that Leo's attack hadn't even begun to subside yet. 

Looking at his brothers around him, he saw that they both had slightly nauseated, yet extremely worried looks on their faces. "Why can't Leo breathe, huh Donnie?", Raph asked, his strong tone wavering. 

"He is hyperventilating...breathing too fast," Donnie whispered, looking back at the hunched over form of his father. "He is having a panic attack, where his body thinks it should be scared about something." 

Bracing himself, he padded across the floor to talk to his father. He breathed in through his mouth, avoiding the sickly scent of the room. Master Splinter didn't need two messes to clean. 

"I think this attack has been going on for too long. Usually, panic attacks have stages that last about ten minutes each, but Leo has been in the...Panic Stage for too long. He should have started to calm down by now." 

One of his father's ears had twitched towards him as he continued to attempt to bring Leo back to awareness. Donnie said cautiously, "I think he is eventually going to pass out. That might be a good thing, because it would allow his body to calm down on its own." 

Splinter nodded without breaking his focus on Leo. Donnie knew that he was dismissed, that there wasn't anything else he could do. He stepped outside the door and slid roughly down the wall into a sitting position. 

After a while, the pained wheezing evened out into regular breaths, and splinter emerged, holding Leo against his chest. His head was resting on his father's shoulder, and he had turned a very pale green. 

Splinter quietly gave orders. "I will go clean him up. Michelangelo, go fetch the sheets for the infirmary bed." When they were young, the turtles would get sick often enough that splinter had set aside a small room near his own to be an infirmary. This way, he could easily care for his sons. 

Apologetically, Splinter turned to Raph and said "I would appreciate it if you could strip Leonardo's bed. You can roll them up using the clean edges and place them outside the room. I will take care of the sheets when Leo is situated downstairs." 

Splinter walked towards the stairs before softly calling out, "Donatello, you will accompany me to the infirmary."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still working on the next chapter. I've been super busy recently... :)


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leo wakes up, and there is sooo much fluff!

Chapter Eleven

After Donatello had helped his father clean up Leonardo, they placed him in the freshly made infirmary bed to rest. Mikey had brought in some chairs from the kitchen for all of them to sit on, which they did gratefully. 

When Raph finished stripping the bed, he joined his family in the infirmary. He had a very nauseous look on his face, and Donatello immediately gave him a small amount of antacid to calm his stomach. 

Eventually, the three turtles had dozed off, partially from exhaustion,and partially from boredom. They had abandoned the chairs, instead curling up against one another on the carpeted floor. Although they were worried about their older brother, it was difficult for the young turtles to wait while having nothing to do. 

Splinter rose, and went to the closet in the corner of the room. He pulled out some thick blankets, and tenderly spread them over his three slumbering sons. 

Thankfully, Splinter noticed movement coming from his oldest son. He went back to the chair that was pulled close to the bed and lowered himself into it. He took one of Leonardo's hands and traced circles on the back with his thumb. 

Leonardo cracked open his eyes slowly, trying to find out where he was. The air smelled slightly dry and...like cleaning supplies? His head was pounding, and the light that hit his eyes through his squint felt like daggers. He clamped his eyes shut again, blocking out the light that was attacking him. 

Leo felt something touching his hand, and blearily opened his eyes again to see the blurry shape of his father. 

"Leonardo, how are you feeling my son?" Splinter asked in a hushed tone. 

"M...my head hurts Sensei.", he croaked out. He realized that his throat and mouth were also very dry, and ran his parched tongue over his lips. Suddenly, he found a glass pressed against his lips, and he carefully sipped the water being offered to him. 

Splinter withdrew the cup after Leonardo had stopped drinking and placed it back on the counter behind him. Once Leo's throat felt better, he softly spoke. "The lights, they hurt my head." He rested back against the pillows, his eyes crunched up in pain. 

Quickly, Splinter walked over to the light switch and flicked the switch downwards. The lights blinked off, and Leo sighed in relief. His head still hurt a lot, but the darkness helped. 

"Leonardo, what does your head feel like?" Splinter questioned.

Leo answered, his tone low in an effort to keep the noise from hurting his head even more. "It...feels dizzy, but it also hurts. It hurts so much that my stomach and teeth hurt too..." 

Leonardo and Splinter heard a soft rustling from the other side of the bed, and Donatello's head peeked over the edge of the bed. He stood up quietly, with a soft exclamation of "Leo!" 

Donnie made his way around to the other side of the bed and asked, "Leo, are you okay? How are you feeling?" 

Splinter answered Donatello's questions to spare his oldest son the task of speaking. "He has a severe headache that is affecting his stomach, and he said that he was dizzy." 

"It sounds like a migraine..." Donnie went over to the medicine cabinet, and pulled out a bottle of Excedrin. He shook out a pill into his palm. "This is Excedrin. It will help with your head, Leo." 

Donatello handed the bottle to Splinter as he refilled the cup behind his father. Splinter smirked as he saw a familiar warning on the bottle in his hands. It read - KEEP OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN.

His sons knew not to play with medicine, as he had been very clear about what the consequences may be. Splinter had taught them what medicine could do if it was taken irresponsibly. That lesson had been a very detailed one, that was taught alongside poisons and antidotes. 

Donatello was the only one allowed to handle the medicine because of his knowledge. He was dedicated to learning the components and ingredients of many medicines, as well as their uses and side affects. 

It was true that Splinter was more qualified with the common medicines, but he allowed Donatello to take over this responsibility. He knew that his family might eventually need Donatello's vast understanding of complicated medicines, and he knew that the time might come soon because of Leo. 

After Leonardo had swallowed the pill with a fair amount of water, Splinter decided that it was almost bedtime for the turtles. The day hadn't gone as he had hoped, but tomorrow was a new day. After making sure that Leo was comfortable, Splinter made some scrambled eggs in the kitchen with Donatello. 

Carrying three plates back to the infirmary, Splinter handed one to Leonardo and sat next to his two sleeping sons. Donnie walked in the room, carrying his own plate of eggs, and sat in the chair next to Leo. 

Splinter carefully fed eggs to he's barely coherent sons with a skill only a parent has. He talked them through the process of chewing and swallowing their food until both of the plates were mostly empty. 

Splinter took the four plates back to the kitchen and placed them in the sink. He went to the bathroom and grabbed a tube of toothpaste and his sons' toothbrushes. Donatello helped Leo brush his teeth, and then brushed his own. 

Splinter brushed Mikey's and Raph's teeth. Ignoring the toothpaste that the sleeping turtles swallowed, Splinter got them to take a couple of gulps of water before he carried them to their beds and tucked them in. 

He walked Donatello to his room, and tucked him in as well. "Daddy, will Leo be alright?", his bright son asked. 

"Leonardo will be just fine. You were very helpful today my son." Splinter leaned down and kissed his sons forehead. Donnie giggled as Splinters whiskers tickled his face, and he snuggled into the covers. Donnie called out sleepily to his father as he walked out of the room. "Goodnight father..."

As Splinter shut the door, he softly said, "Sleep well, my son." 

Splinter walked down the hall and back downstairs to the infirmary. He wasn't sure if he should talk to Leo about what happened before tomorrow morning . His son wasn't in great condition, and Splinter decided that the conversation could wait until Leo was feeling better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soo much cuteness!!! I loved writing this chapter!


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is mainly a fluffy chapter I wrote while I plan out the rest of the story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a random chapter I wrote while I was thinking about how to continue the rest of the story.

Chapter Twelve

Splinter went into the infirmary to tuck Leo in before he turned in for the night as well. After drinking a cup of jasmine tea, he meditated for a while, and then laid down on his futon to sleep. 

Just past eleven o'clock, however, Splinter awoke to a faint whimpering coming from the infirmary. His eyes shot open, and he was instantly alert. He sat up, and twitched his ears towards the sound. 

He realized that the whimpers were coming from the infirmary, which was separated from his room by a remarkably thin wall. His body had been accustomed over time to waking up at the cries of his children, and this time was no different. 

Carefully lighting a small lantern that sat by his door, Splinter slid open his door. He quietly turned the corner and slipped in to the small room where his eldest son slept for the night. 

He saw a bundle on the bed, wrapped in the clean bedsheets that had been brought by Michelangelo earlier that night. Gently, as to not alarm Leonardo, Splinter sat down on the mattresses and placed the lantern on the small counter across from the bed.

The soft pile of blankets shifted, causing the shadows cast by the small lantern to dance against the drab wall. Splinter placed a clawed hand on top of his buried son, and Leo's head popped out from underneath the blankets. 

His eyes were wet, and they shimmered in the faint light in the room. Splinter could see that his oldest son was exhausted, that his body needed to sleep. "Are you having nightmares, Leonardo?" Splinter asked quietly. 

Leo nodded, his eyes wide with fear of going back to sleep. Splinter picked Leo up and walked out of the room, grabbing the lantern on the way back to his own room. He set his son down on the rumpled futon and made a mix of chamomile and lavender tea for Leonardo. After the drink had cooled off enough for his son to drink, he brought it over to him.

"This will help you get to sleep, your body clearly needs it very badly." As Leo hesitantly drank the tea, Splinter wondered if there was a possibility of another night terror.

Splinter was confused as to why his oldest son had been stuck in his unconscious mind for so long, but his immediate focus was getting his son to rest. After Leonardo finished the tea, splinter placed the ceramic cup on the small table in his room. 

He lead his drowsy son back to the infirmary bed, and tucked him back in. A small hand grasped desperately at his wrist as he made to leave the room. Leo's sleepy, yet worried voice pleaded with his father. "Please, I don't want to have any more nightmares..." 

Hearing his son's panicked whimpers made Splinter turn back around. Wracking his tired mind for some way to help his son, Splinter remembered that distracting a person before they fall asleep helps them to forget their dreams. 

Instructing his son to sing with him, Splinter began to hum a familiar Japanese lullaby. With Leo having to concentrate on the words, hopefully his mind would be too preoccupied to remember any dreams. 

Leonardo's voice began to fade, and his words became more muddled. Eventually, he fell into a deep sleep.

Before returning to his bed, Splinter gazed tenderly at his son. He watched the light from the small flame dance across Leonardo's weary features. Kissing the sleeping turtle on the forehead, Splinter murmured a soft prayer that he would always be able to ease all of his sons' burdens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed the fluff!


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Splinter speaks with Leonardo about the nature of his nightmares.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I could use some advice on how to make time move faster in my writing. I would appreciate any advice that could be given.

Chapter Thirteen

Splinter was the first to wake up in the morning, as usual. He went into the infirmary to check on Leonardo once he had woken up fully. Waking up during the night had admittedly taken a toll on Splinter. The lost sleep didn't affect him the most, however. His mind was preoccupied with Leonardo's well being.

After seeing that his son was getting the rest that he so desperately needed, Splinter went to the kitchen. The peaceful morning silence was something that Splinter appreciated greatly. He made the most of the quiet before his sons' would wake up. 

Unfortunately, the silence was interrupted a short time later when Michelangelo bounded in to the kitchen with Raphael in tow. "Good morning Daddy!" his youngest son exclaimed loudly. 

"Michelangelo," Splinter whispered sharply. "Do you not remember that Leonardo is resting? We must allow him to get the sleep that his body needs." 

A flush of embarrassment spread across Mikey's small cheeks as he remembered about the previous day's events. "Sorry," he loudly whispered back. 

Splinter set about making his sons' breakfast, and an extremely groggy Donatello stumbled into the kitchen. He seemed to have been awoken by the smell of toast, and had been unable to ignore his stomach for long. 

Donnie dragged out a chair from near the table and collapsed onto it, planting his face in the crooks of his elbows as they rested on the worn table. Mornings hit his intelligent son the hardest, and he was also the most difficult to communicate with when he was tired. Any conversation that was held with Donatello in the early morning would likely make no sense. 

Splinter placed a chipped glass plate next to Donnie's head. As Splinter walked back into the infirmary, Donatello began sleepily munching on a piece of toast. 

As he approached the small room, Splinter knew that his oldest son was awake. The rustle of sheets could be heard as he turned the corner. 

Leonardo was facing towards the wall curled up comfortably in the blankets. He turned his head towards his father as he heard him enter. Leo greeted him respectfully as he sat up.

"Good morning, Master Splinter..." Leo looked at Splinter with great apprehension in his eyes. He knew that he would have to discuss the previous day's events with his father, but was reluctant to do so. 

"How did you sleep, my son?" Splinter asked. He walked over to the bed and pulled the chair in the corner of the room closer. "Did you have any nightmares?"

Shaking his head, Leonardo replied, "I don't think I did Sensei. I think I dreamed, but I can't remember what the dreams were about." 

Splinter nodded to show his understanding, and softly cleared his throat before speaking. "Leonardo, I would like to speak to you about yesterday afternoon."

Leonardo looked down at his hands and folded them in his lap. "I know..."

Splinter didn't want to force his son to talk, but he knew that it was imperative that he learned what Leonardo was going through. "I want to know how I can help you Leonardo. Please tell me what happened after I spoke with you yesterday."

Leonardo hesitantly told his father how he had attempted to retreat to his room, but had been stopped by Raphael. "I don't know why I was so angry. In my head, I knew that there was nothing to be upset about, but I couldn't control the anger." 

Leonardo lowered his head in shame. "I have failed you as a student, Sensei. I can't seem to be able to control my body or mind. I am worthless to you as a ninja!" Tears began to form in his blue eyes, and Splinter quickly grasped the sides of Leonardo's face, bringing his eyes up to meet his own. 

"Leonardo, you have not failed me as a student, and you never will. I am immensely proud of all that you have been able to accomplish. You are my son, and I could never be disappointed in you." Splinter spoke sharply, but without anger. He wanted his son to understand that he was not worthless, and never would be. Speaking slowly and deliberately, Splinter stared hard into his son's pain filled eyes. "You are not worthless." 

Even though Leonardo wanted to believe all that his father had said, it was as if there was something that was not allowing him to do so. In the back of his mind, the idea that everything was his fault alone was always there. 

Leonardo explained how he had retreated into his room after his fight with Raph and Mikey. "I was going to try and sleep, but my mind wouldn't stop running. I didn't know what else to try, so I ended up meditating. I was in really deep, Sensei, but I think that I might have fallen asleep while I was in my unconscious mind."

"Hmm..." Splinter thought this new piece of information over carefully. This would definitely explain why he hadn't been able to wake Leonardo up fully. "My son, what do you remember happening after you had fallen asleep?" 

Leo shook his head forcefully. "I think I got trapped in a nightmare." Through a sob, he choked out, "it was horrible Sensei." 

"Will you tell me what this dream was about?" Leo's breath hitched, and he shook his head. "You don't have to give details if it is too uncomfortable for you Leonardo. I just want to understand how to help you." 

After a few shuddering breaths, Leo told Splinter about how he had been trapped on a pipe, high up in the air. He told how his family had appeared to help him, and how they had fallen in the process. He did so very simply, leaving out all the troubling details. 

Splinter, however, was able to fill in the omitted parts of his son's dream on his own. He was alarmed at the nature of Leonardo's dream, and understood the reaction that the horrifying experience had caused. 

Leonardo shifted uncomfortably on the bed before speaking. "Father, I don't remember what happened next clearly. I remember that my surroundings had shifted, but everything was blurry and confusing." 

"We believe that you experienced a panic attack Leonardo. It seems, however, that the nature of the attack was altered due to the location of your mind."

In a timid voice, Leonardo asked, "was that because I was meditating when I fell asleep?"

"I believe so, my son. You were trapped in your subconscious mind, and you were unable to hear us. We attempted to talk you through your attack, but you were beyond our reach." 

"I'm sorry for being so careless in my meditation, Sensei. None of this would have happened if I had just been able to control my body." 

Splinter's whiskers twitched. "Leonardo, your body was in a state of fatigue. You desperately needed rest, and it happened when you were no longer fully present there. It wasn't your fault." 

Splinter stood up and beckoned to his son. "Let us go eat some breakfast. It would be a wise thing to keep your strength up. After all, yesterday took a toll on us all." 

Pushing off the blankets, Leo hopped lightly to the ground and followed his father to the kitchen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember to leave advice (if you have any) please! It would be sooo appreciated!
> 
> I haven't been able to find any time to write this week. Most of my finals will be done by this Friday. I will update as soon as I can! Just FYI...


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is pretty much completely narration...there was no dialogue because of the nature of the chapter.

Chapter 14

In the space of a few weeks, Leo's behavior hadn't changed for the better. Splinter began worrying about how he could obtain a form of antidepressant for his son. Even though he had been talking to Leonardo, the depression was not going away. Splinter worried that it may even be getting worse. 

He had been able to help with the anxiety a bit, and taught his son how to have more control on his unconscious mind. The night terrors had lessened, and Leo had only experienced a few more panic attacks in the past weeks. 

Splinter coached all of his sons how to act around Leo when he was in a state of panic, in case he was away or unavailable. He was very proud of the way his sons' had handled one such situation. It had been a bit scary for the three young turtles, and for Leonardo, but they managed to talk Leo down from the attack. 

Splinter decided to start looking for a way to obtain antidepressants when he found Leonardo passed out on the floor in the hallway. He had neglected eating again, but this time it had been for nearly two days. 

He wondered how his son had been able to slip his eating habits past him for that long, but then remembered that he was training little ninja children. Splinter realized that it was, absurdly, and partially, his own fault. 

Since that event, Splinter had made many trips to the surface, lurking in the shadows near pharmacies. Tonight, his destination was a uncommon pharmacy that closed at 10. Most pharmacies were open 24 hours a day, for safety, and for convenience. 

Unfortunately, those particular pharmacies were not helpful for him and his family. 

Drawing in a deep breath, Splinter slowly lifted the manhole cover over his head and set it on the asphalt nearby. He quickly sprang up to the surface once he was sure that he was alone. The sky was dark, with an absence of stars that is typical for a city. 

After replacing the manhole cover, Splinter pulled his cloak closer to his body. After taking in his surroundings, he scaled a building in order to reach the rooftop. He ran silently along the gravel and concrete surfaces, soaring from one building to another until he reached the darkened building. 

Moving in the shadows, Splinter reached a back door that opened to the small parking lot. The cold metal door read "Employees Only". Sighing, Splinter brought out a small metal tool and slid it into the keyhole. After manipulating the tiny metal catches in the lock for a number of minutes, the handle finally clicked open. 

An uneasiness spread through his mind, for he was experiencing an inner conflict. Wondering if stealing was permissible if it was necessary, Splinter hesitated. Pushing the thoughts back, he walked further into the dark pharmacy. 

He reached into the folds of his robe and pulled out a crinkled paper. Donatello had scrawled different medicines to look for, and what their ingredients were. He quickly scanned the shelves and many separate cubby holes lining the walls. He finally found one of the several antidepressants his bright son had singled out. 

Splinter gingerly picked up the small orange bottle, and the small green pills inside rattled against the plastic. The bottle had directions on the side, as well as the name of the person the medication was prescribed for. 

Placing a clawed finger over the name, Splinter peeled away the small area of the white sticker before pocketing the bottle. He decided that he would pay the pharmacy back when he was able to as he left, sliding the lock back in place as he left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so so sooo sorry. I feel awful for not being able to update sooner, but it is the end of the semester, and my Professors have been assigning projects nonstop! I hope the craziness dies down soon. Oh, and to all my wonderful readers, good luck on your finals and huge projects!!!


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leo receives information about the antidepressants.

Chapter 15

When Master Splinter returned, three young turtles ran to greet him enthusiastically. "Daddy, you're home!", cried Mikey. Exasperated, Splinter brushed his palm down his face. "Why are you not sleeping? Raphael, I told you to help your brothers to bed. And where is Leonardo?" 

All three of the turtles looked over to the worn couch in the living area. It had become Leo's favorite spot ever since he had been required to remain in the company of his family. Splinter believed that being around his brothers may help his eldest son's emotional state. 

Leo's head peeked up from behind the couch cushions, where he was reading a small story book. Nodding, Splinter motioned towards Leonardo to come closer to the small group around him. Leo did so, his bare feet padding softly across the concrete floor. 

"Raphael, please get yourself and Michelangelo ready for bed. Donatello and Leonardo, please join me in my room." Mikey disappeared into the bathroom, still clinging to his older brothers hand as they went to brush their teeth. Donatello nodded knowingly and ran to his room to grab a textbook about medicines. Like every book in his ever extensive collection, he had been overjoyed when he received it from his father. 

After his two sons were seated at the small table, Splinter pulled out the small orange pill bottle. He carefully handed it to Donatello, who immediately read the label. "Zoloft, huh..." He flipped to the marked page in his book and scanned over the extensive list of side effects. While he knew that the list was a collection of very uncommon cases, he felt uneasy about giving this medication to his big brother. 

Turning back to the label, he smirked when he saw the warnings. "Consult a doctor before taking if you are breastfeeding, pregnant, or planning to get pregnant. Splinter, these were prescribed to a girl...pphhffftt..." He turned good-naturedly to his oldest brother and giggled. "We won't have to worry about any of those Leo!"

At this, Leo lost his cool. "What is this? This doesn't make sense, why did you bring home a stupid bottle of medicine Sensei?" Wincing, Splinter explained. "Leonardo, these pills will help you enjoy your life more. You won't be as nervous or upset..." 

"Yeah, Leo," Donnie interrupted. "Here, let me just explain this. Your brain creates a chemical called Serotonin. Normally, the chemical would stay...floating around your brain for a certain amount of time before it is taken back in. Your serotonin uptake is accelerated, and-" Donnie quickly glanced at Leo's and his father's faces, trying to determine if he was being too complicated. 

Seeing a slight crease between Leonardo's eyes, he let out a great sigh. He was trying, he really was. "So, basically Leo, your brain makes a chemical that makes you feel happy. But that chemical isn't staying for a long enough time in your brain. These," Donnie shook the bottle for emphasis, "these will stop the happy chemicals from leaving too soon."

Staring into his younger brothers pleading eyes, Leo nodded to show that he understood. Donnie visibly relaxed in relief, and continued. "You can start with half of one pill at first-" 

"NO!" Leo suddenly said forcefully. "I don't want to have to...depend on something for my own well being. It is not honorable!"

"Leonardo." Splinter spoke softly to his son. "When we are sick, is it wise to take medications?" Leo nodded, knowing already where his father was going with this. "And remember when you had that migrant after your attack?" 

Again, Leo nodded, staring at the stained pillow he was kneeling on. "You took medication then, and it helped." Splinter brought his hand underneath Leo's chin. "I promise you that having an illness is not dishonorable. That is what is wrong, my son. Your mind is injured, and these will help you enjoy life again." 

After much convincing, Splinter was able to instruct his son on the dosage of the medication, and how to take it. Leo had a hard time at first swallowing the tiny clump of bitter medication without chewing it, but, just like everything else, he mastered the skill quickly. 

Splinter had quickly informed his two remaining sons that Leonardo was taking medication, and they were not to touch it. To be safe however, Splinter placed the medicine on top of the bookshelf in his room. 

Donatello informed his father that, once Leonardo had started taking the medicine, that they had to watch for some specific side effects, just to be safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please tell me if my passing time technique makes sense!


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is the end! Thanks to all my readers who stuck it out!

Chapter Sixteen

After nearly a week of being on medication, Leo realized that he felt different. True, he didn't feel as sad all the time, but there were other things going on too. 

He shifted his grip on his water bottle as he went downstairs for breakfast. His mouth had become increasingly dry since he had started taking the little green pills. Donnie said that it was a normal thing to happen, but Leo didn't like it that much. 

As he reached the bottom floor, Leo noticed that he needed to fill the bottle again. He unscrewed the wide cap and walked over to the tap. "Good morning Leo!" Mikey said around a mouthful of cereal. Leo waved absentmindedly over his shoulder as the rest of his family greeted him. 

The water bubbled over the edge of the water bottle, and Leo set it on the counter before going on tiptoes to reach the faucet handle. 

Leo turned and stared at the table. It was covered in breakfast items, which he had always taken for granted. Today though, he wondered just how they were able to get all of it. "Master Splinter?" Leo asked in a soft voice. Splinter looked up at Leonardo from his morning tea. "Yes, Leonardo?" 

"Uhmm...I was wondering...", he paused hesitantly, scanning his younger brothers' faces, "How do we get things like cereal, and even milk?"

At this, Donnie spoke up proudly. "Oh, that's easy to do! Sometimes, we can use the phone," he pointed at the large black telephone he had managed to set up a landline for the previous year. "We can call any supermarket with the phone book and ask them to deliver groceries to a place nearby, on the surface!"

"But, how do we pay for them?" Leo asked. 

Sighing, Splinter answered, "I have my savings from when I was a man. The store can withdraw the amount charged." He didn't, however, tell his sons that this money would soon run out. It was quickly disappearing, for they had no income to support themselves. 

Seemingly satisfied with this explanation, Leo sat down and ate with his family. 

It wasn't until after breakfast that Leo caught Donnie before he disappeared into his lab. "Donnie, wait!" Donatello paused and turned to see his older brother looking intensely at him. He felt a fluttering of nervousness grow in his stomach. 

"Y-yes? What do you need, Leo?" He frowned internally at the stutter he had made. 

"Donnie, I was just wondering how you were able to get my medicine. It isn't in a grocery store. You said that it was different from our other medicines, right?" 

"Yeah, Zoloft is a prescription medication. It isn't over the counter like our cold medicines." Donnie rubbed his hands over his eyes. "Look Leo, don't be upset. I'm trying to find a better way! I think that, once I have the computers set up, things will get better for us!" 

Looking past Donatello, Leo noticed that there was indeed, a pile of disassembled computer towers and monitors. Leo turned his attention back to his younger brother and asked seriously, "How did you get the medicine Donnie?"

Donatello's face fell and he muttered that they were forced to take someone else's prescription. "But Leo, the pharmacists will just think it was misplaced. They will replace it, no harm done." 

"But it isn't honorable!" Leo shouted, his eyes full of indecision. 

"Leo, you know our circumstances. We don't have any other choice right now." Pausing to gather his thoughts, Donnie reassured his older brother. "But Leo, I swear that we will make it right when we have the means to." 

Thankfully, Leo seemed to be satisfied with that answer. 

Around a month later, Leo became aware of many changes. He saw that the colors had become brighter, and he was motivated to do things he loved. He was glad that he was able to laugh again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it was kind of abrupt. To anyone who is interested, I will be writing a sequel!


End file.
